Libertarianism in One Lesson; The Second Lesson

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Why is there a second lesson when the title says one lesson? Libertarianism is so double-plus-good that through the magic of libertarian accounting we can insist that 1+1=1. See the first bulleted entry for further explanation.

Contents

Introduction

Refresher time in libertarianism! Some of you might begin to doubt our generation-long barrage of libertarian propaganda due to the stubborn reluctance of reality to conform to libertarian ideology.

Never fear! Even if you are in the wasteheap of history, the market in its wisdom grants you a period of unemployment during which you can reinstill your dogmatic certitude. We have a fresh crop of excuses to memorize that will convince you of your own brilliance! Smite the unprepared!

Libertarian Party USA

  • So what if David Bergland's "Libertarianism in One Lesson" has 99 pages in 16 numbered chapters. Why would you think that was more than one lesson?
  • America's fastest declining political party!
  • Harry Browne had it right in his 2000 campain. Trust to the efficacy of the market! As soon as you threaten to put a bounty on the head of a terrorist, all your terrorism problems will be solved. Ask Salman Rushdie and Osama bin Laden.
  • We cannot trust government to get anything right. We should look to examples of private organizations such as the Libertarian Party USA as role models; even if they cannot count their declining membership, balance their budget, or tell their members the truth about their finances.
  • If markets are the best allocation mechanism, libertarians should demand that the party's positions should be sold to the highest bidders. Forget that voting crap: it's initiation of force! Surely the highest bidder will represent libertarian interests better than anyone else.
  • Libertarians are to liberty as conservatives are to conservation!

Libertarianism Has The Answers!

  • Libertarianism is based on natural rights; no, neutrality; no, non-aggression; no, responsibility; no, self ownership; no, property rights; no, ....
  • When is it legitimate to initiate the use of force against others? Never! Unless, of course, you really need to initiate force... then it's pre-emptive protection of property rights.
  • Of course libertarianism is compatible with Christianity! Just substitute "the market" for "Jesus", and ask "What would the market do?"
  • It is more parsimonious and economically austere to consider only the libertarian side of the argument.
  • Net funding for charitable works and public goods will increase when the taxes that currently support them are abolished. After all, don't we all donate our tax refund checks to charity?
  • Trendy buzzwords like 'chaos theory' irrefutably prove that Government interferes with the 'spontaneous order' of free people.
  • Criticism of libertarianism is destructive. Criticism of society by libertarians is constructive.
  • Nostalgia for bygone "golden eras" will guide us better than the actual historical record of their suffering, corruption, cruelty, inequality of rights, and primitive standards of living.
  • Nobody has a right to free food or medical care or other amenities. Children are thus either imaginary or property.
  • Our libertarian ideas are boldly nonconformist, yet conveniently reaffirm our desire to do nothing but complain.
  • Libertarians get to define who the classical liberals were. If they weren't just like libertarians, no matter how famous, they should be stricken from the rolls. Rousseau? Faugh!

Government

  • Public schools are a monopoly: a staggering 80% of American children attend them in thousands of independently run school districts. Microsoft is not a monopoly: only 95% of computers use MSWindows.
  • Government causes pollution, crime, discrimination, slavery, poverty, and all the other evils of the world. Businesses and individuals only produce wealth: they are not involved and not responsible for any of those problems.
  • Taxation is slavery, but rent is not. Even if you pay more in rent, even if you have also chosen where you pay taxes.
  • DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT the fact that the Internet came from a government project.
  • Gang rape is democracy. Five people say "Yes," one person says "No," and the majority rules. Which is why gang rape is legal in every state.
  • America was much more libertarian 150 years ago, before Big Government, when women, children, and slaves were the property of white males, and killing indians for their land was Manifest Destiny.
  • A practice common in business is insufferable by government. Pay for government services? Insufferable!
  • Four legs gooooood, two legs baaaaaad. Private gooooood, government baaaaaad.
  • All government activity is use of force, and thus volence. Yes, this includes public libraries: don't you see the violence inherent in the creation of public libraries?

Markets

  • Only markets, promoted by those wise liberals of the 18th century, can solve coordination problems. Democratic representative governments, which were foisted upon us by those same deluded liberals of the 18th century, result in chaos and difficulty finding good servants.
  • When government provides a service, it is a crutch. When private enterprise provides the same service, you are a manly man to purchase it.
  • Big media have a virulent anti-business bias because they report on harmful business practices. Truth is no defense against our accusations of bias, nor is the observation that big media ARE big business.
  • There are no market failures, only government failures. Which is why we should abolish property titles, corporations, patents, copyright and other intellectual property; they are established by government interference with free markets.

See also: