View source for Libertarianism in One Lesson; The Third Lesson

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[[Category:Humor]]
[[Category:Mike Huben]]
{{DES | des = Still attempting to try to catch up with [[Libertarianism In One Lesson: Why Libertarianism Is the Best Hope for America's Future |David Bergland]]'s arithmetic, where 1 lesson = 16 chapters in 99 pages. Libertarianism is the communism of the right: they both sound good, until you spend about five minutes in the company of actual human beings.  Here's what they mean. | show= }}

== Libertarianism ==
* Libertarians are more logical than others.  While other people's arguments merely imply the contrapositive, libertarian arguments imply the converse, inverse and obverse as well.
* Relieve stress due to uncertainty! Take Ideology, the mind-clearing drug recommended by religious and political leaders for millennia! Caution: may be habit forming. Side effects may include logorrhea, newspeak, gullibility, hatred, death squads, and genocide.
* The primary objective of libertarianism is liberty: but you should not have the liberty to have other primary objectives such as justice, equality, etc.
* Like the communist party, our Libertarian Party would give you any liberty you want, as long as it is the liberty we define.
* Socialism will never work because people are too selfish... private charity will take care of everyone because people are generous.
* Everything is rape or slavery, except rape and slavery, which really aren't that bad.
* The common law will protect our rights!  Never mind that it formed a foundation for U.S. slavery.
* A voluntary exchange between a pair of individuals scales up into an economy the same way a marriage of a couple scales up into wife swapping, orgies and prostitution.
* Somewhere between infancy and senility there is a period of rationality, so lets presume that everyone is always equally and perfectly rational with no possibility of injustice due to differences.  That's logic and economic science!
* Democrats and Republicans are the same, but how dare you generalize about libertarianism?

== Capitalism ==
* The FIRST product sold in an "unfettered" market system would be fetters.
* We libertarians LOVE Dilbert and still have faith in capitalism.  What do you mean, "cognitive dissonance"?
* We must celebrate the greed of capitalists, because it results in wealth. We must decry the greed of unions, whose workers merely produce that wealth.
* Voters are irrational, but those same voters are rational when they participate in markets.
* Capitalism is about profit, which is why all libertarian organizations are non-profit.
* Only markets with their profit motive can be efficient.  That's why we libertarians want to rely on non-profit private parties for charity.

== Government ==
* We libertarians are opposed to world government, except for those courts and laws created by trade agreements to allow international corporations to rule the world.
* Prohibition cannot ever work, and produces black markets and crime far beyond the evils it seeks to prohibit.  We also endorse prohibiting force and government: somehow that will not produce black markets or crime.
* Public choice theory indicates that government cannot work.  Nor corporations, nor why libertarians should be politically active.
* Governments may not change the social contract unilaterally.  Only credit card companies and other large corporations are allowed to change the terms of contracts with customers unilaterally.
* We will not criticize corporations, despite the fact that nowhere in any state or federal constitution is there an enumerated power for governments to create legal entities such as corporations.
* The founding fathers would not recognize the US today, with the large federal government and intrusive taxes. Nor would they recognize the enormous corporations, most religious organizations (excepting Catholocism which they greatly hated), modern technology, equality of sexes and races, credit cards, and a host of other things.
* Don't look to successful public schools for solutions: rely instead on pushing vouchers, merit pay, and privatization no matter how ineffectual they have proven.
* All government regulation is harmful.  We minarchists love the Constitution, despite the fact that it is merely government regulations.  But how dare the amendments regulate against slavery, our natural right!
* Historical entitlement works just fine to explain why landowners can charge rent, but fails entirely for government to charge taxes.
* It is an essential right for us to regulate who enters our property, but governments must have open borders!
* We don't trust people to run a government, but we trust them to be better behaved in private with much less oversight and accountability.
* Government currently has a monopoly on (legal) violence aka “coercion”, so if we get rid of government, we’ll get rid of the coercion! What could go wrong?

== See also: ==
* [[Libertarianism in One Lesson (Parody)]]
* [[Libertarianism in One Lesson; The Second Lesson]]