View source for Libertarianism: The FAQ

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{{DES | des = A simple demonstration of the narrowness of libertarianism's ideological peephole. | show=}}
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This subreddit provides a lot of interesting links on libertarianism, but when libertarians and ancaps show up to defend themselves, they tend to get downvoted. Although I am not a libertarian, in the interest of fairness I've created an FAQ on libertarianism where I've tried my best to find libertarian solutions to political issues. For stylistic reasons, this is presented as a dialog between me and a hypothetical libertarian. While obviously this conversation is fictional, I've tried to back it up with links to actual libertarian positions, usually using recent topics in EnoughLibertarianSpam.
WARNING: THIS IS WHAT LIBERTARIANS ACTUALLY BELIEVE.
You're a libertarian? Does that mean you stand for liberty? What are your core principles?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
Many of you seem to have a strong distaste for government. What do you propose to replace it?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What do you think will end the War on Drugs?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What is your monetary policy?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
Well, all of that sounds overly naïve and simplistic. I don't personally agree with those stances, but that doesn't mean that we can't find common ground on some other issues. After all, you libertarians say that you care about liberty. Liberty is literally in the name of your philosophy.
I'm concerned about global warming and environmental damage in general. Does your philosophy touch any of these subjects?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
Well, I don't really see how that helps the environment. What about externalities, where some companies can benefit without paying the full cost for their actions? Pollution seems like a good example of this. How does libertarianism provide a framework that prevents companies from profiting by externalizing costs?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
Okay, I see I'm not going to make any progress pressing you on the environment further. How about monopolies, though? Surely your solutions can't apply if there are monopolies. How can we prevent monopolies?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What about regional monopolies like ISPs? It's not politically possible to let there be a free market in ISPs right now. Do you support net neutrality and if you don't, what is your alternative?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What about the roads?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
I think I'm starting to notice a pattern here. There are some regulations I like, though! Some laws and regulations provide us with liberties! Let's see if we can find agreement somewhere.
What about child labor laws?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What about anti-discrimination laws like the Civil Right's Act? How could we possibly as a society address major systemic problems like racism without certain kinds of regulations?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What about women's rights?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What about same-sex marriage?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
How about workers' rights? You are opposed to labor unions! How do we stop management from exploiting the workers without some kind of balance against unrestrained corporate power?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
Wow. I'm impressed. Every single one of those positions is a terrible position to take.
What about literal slavery? Mises.org seems to say that you opposed Lincoln's role in the Civil War that freed the slaves in the United States. How could slavery have ended without the Civil War?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
I'm really not convinced. The same book I linked to also seems to say that countries like the United States shouldn't have defended themselves against fascist aggression in World War II. What the fuck was the alternative to resisting the Nazis and the fascists?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What the fuck? Can't you see that there are negative consequences to libertarianism? One of your leading intellectuals even says that parents should be free to starve their children because it's not a violation of the NAP. How will children be protected in a libertarian world?
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
What?! That's the same link I just used! You can't do that! Besides, that link also says that there would be "a flourishing free market in children". Where is your humanity?! How is this at all moral?! How can you possibly justify this line of reasoning?!
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
It looks like every single thing that libertarianism is promoting is absolutely morally reprehensible! Please prove to me that you're a human.
Deregulation, competition, and the invisible hand of the free market.
Fuck you and fuck libertarianism.

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