View source for Monty Python's Life of Brian: What Have the Romans Ever Done For Us?

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From "Monty Python's Life of Brian"

The interior of MATTHIAS'S HOUSE. A darkened room with a very conspiratorial atmosphere. REG and STAN are seated at a table at one end of the room. FRANCIS, dressed in Activist gear — black robes and a red sash around his head — is standing by a plan on the wall. He is addressing an audience of about eight MASKED ActivistS. Their faces are partially hidden.

Francis:
We get in through the underground heating system here... up through to the main audience chamber here... and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
Xerxes:
What exactly are the demands?
Reg:
We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State and if he doesn't agree immediately we execute her.
Matthias:
Cut her head off?
Francis:
Cut all her bits off, send 'em back every hour on the hour... show him we're not to be trifled with.
Reg:
Also, we're demanding a ten foot mahogany statue of the Emperor Julius Caesar with his cock hanging out.
Stan:
What? They'll never agree to that, Reg.
Reg:
That's just a bargaining counter. And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop her up, and... that we shall not submit to blackmail.
Omnes:
(Applause) No blackmail!
Reg:
They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers' fathers.
Stan:
And from our fathers' fathers' fathers.
Reg:
Yes.
Stan:
And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers.
Reg:
All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?
Xerxes:
The aqueduct.
Reg:
Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.
Masked Activist:
And the sanitation!
Stan:
Oh yes... sanitation, Reg, you remember what the city used to be like.
Reg:
All right, I'll grant you that the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done...
Matthias:
And the roads...
Reg:
(sharply) Well yes obviously the roads... the roads go without saying. But apart from the aqueduct, the sanitation and the roads...
Another Masked Activist:
Irrigation...
Other Masked Voices:
Medicine... Education... Health...
Reg:
Yes... all right, fair enough...
Activist Near Front:
And the wine...
Omnes:
Oh yes! True!
Francis:
Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Romans left, Reg.
Masked Activist at Back:
Public baths!
Stan:
And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now.
Francis:
Yes, they certainly know how to keep order... (general nodding)... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a place like this.

(more general murmurs of agreement)
Reg:
All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us?
Xerxes:
Brought peace!
Reg:
(very angry, he's not having a good meeting at all) What!? Oh... (scornfully) Peace, yes... shut up!
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